PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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