Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
