I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
