I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
