There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
