I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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