the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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