I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
