Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and she was petting her beer can
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
