You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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