Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
