Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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