Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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