I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
