You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
