I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
