I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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