he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
