i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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