Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
