Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
