my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
