You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
