just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
