my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
