I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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