I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
