Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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