i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
