I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
