So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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