In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
