I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
