i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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