Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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