My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize