i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
