I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Holy shit dude........stairs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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