I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
