I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
