DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
