in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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