i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
