I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
