Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
