i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
