she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just sucked dick on a ferry