i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
