Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
