So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.