3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
