AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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