Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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