nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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