i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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