my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize