It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
