Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
