i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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