I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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