So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
