well I can't set my house on fire every night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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