They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
