so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
