She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
