I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
