i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She needs sedatives and a leash
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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