The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
