where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
