after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
