i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
