Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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