made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
