Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
