p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
