So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
