he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
