btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
