she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
