I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
