apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
