I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
