they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We are two peas in an std pod
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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