I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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