thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
