I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
