i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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