Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
