her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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